The Year From Hell

Hello Friends,

We approach the end of 2012.  I, for one, will not miss it a bit.

While I wish '12 gone, the worry of what 2013 might bring is weighing in my mind.  Not that I like to be a worrywart --- on the contrary, my preference is to clear my mind completely of all negativity, worry being the uppermost negative emotion --- but it's a good bet that the issues we now deal with will not vanish immediately upon the stroke of midnight 12/31/12.

A good bit has happened since our last postcards. About a week after we were told that Mom was not responding to therapy, the Doctor notified Mom, Dad and me that this was due to the paralysis.  Not only is her lower body affected, but her diaphragm and a portion of her chest is paralyzed as well.  Mom didn't buy that diagnosis, and told the Doc that she believed in Miracles, and "take a hike" was part of her scoffing.

We decided that moving Mom to a nursing center in RI was the best course of action, as Kindred Hospital was, essentially, washing their hands of her further treatment.

She was moved last Friday. On Saturday morning, her new Respiratory therapist attempted to remove her from the respirator.  For 8 minutes, Mom breathed on her own...although with some distress. She was again vented, and Dad and I went home.

Late that afternoon, Mom had visitors. Her sister Catherine, nephew Stephen, S-I-L Lillian and nieces Beverly and Carol arrived.  The Therapist again disconnected Mom from the respirator, and rigged the trach so she could talk.  And talk she did!  Now, mind you, she hasn't spoken a word since the beginning of October, and neither her husband nor any of her children has heard her voice since that day they did the tracheostomy. (sp)

We heard about this when Stephen posted about it on Facebook that evening. It appears that Mom was unaware that she was breathing on her own, because her Sister had her full attention.  She was off the machine for two hours, chatting and happy. Aunt Catherine was ecstatic! She was expecting to see her Baby Sis on death's door, instead she was witnessing an amazing recovery!

Sunday... Dad, Steve, Larry and Ro, Mike and I visited. Again she was disconnected from the vent, and we heard her speak first hand. We laughed, we cried, we danced around the room! (Mom's roommate thinks we're bonkers.).

Paralysis?   Ha!   Take that, stupid Doctor at Kindred!

She remained off the respirator for three hours that day!

Christmas Eve...many visitors, including Donna and Tom, and my husband Jerry, witnessed the phenomenon for the first time. Conversation, laughter. She talked on the phone to our Brother Lenny. Another 3 hours without the respirator. Joy. Pure Joy.

Now, it has been a fact that, whenever I post good news about Mom and her condition, she immediately has a setback. So for a while, I wouldn't post anything, but that only caused the extended fam to get upset because they were not hearing positives except through the snail-like grapevine.  If I don't write something today, everyone is gonna have a canary for not letting them know about the "Christmas Miracle".  I log in to Facebook and tentatively report that, although we are not out of the woods yet, a glimmer of light shines in the distance.

Christmas Day.  Jerry and I go to visit, about noontime.  The woman who is always smiling is uncharacteristically cranky today. She didn't want to open her gift, she didn't want to talk.  We put it down to fatigue, and left her resting, comfortably.

Yesterday, Dad and I drove out there late morning. We found her complaining of pain in her left side. Her moaning was heartbreaking. Medication was ineffective. Transferring her from the bed to a chair only caused the pain to 'move' from her left side to her back.  She was totally miserable. There was nothing we or the nursing staff could do to make her feel better. I have never felt more helpless, useless.

It may be completely irrational, ...Yes, I know, I know...it's not possible that I am causing any of the nightmares she has endured, but it sure is a co-inky-dink that the crappy stuff follows my up-beat postings.

I am not going to visit today. Unless I hear from Donna, I am going to assume Mom is OK, and try not to think about how 2012 might never really end.