Well, it is very nearly a month since I wrote to you, and I do so reluctantly.
Oh, no, it is not that anything particularly catastrophic has happened...it's just that there's not much good to report, and I hate sending downer postcards.
I had promised myself, once upon a happier time, that if I were ever in a situation where I had to be a caregiver for my parents, I was gonna be the best one ever! None of this griping and complaining you hear from other overwhelmed offspring! I would be calm and collected, caring and concerned. No way I'd ever get irritated, get frustrated, lose sleep, neglect my own health. AND IN NO circumstances whatsoever would I ever make my Mommy cry!!!
That promise got broken months ago. I am the bitch I swore I never would be.
I talked to Sully the other day and told him that we were persevering...there was improvement...someday soon we would see that light at the end of the tunnel. Then Mom took sick again, and last night Donna took her back to the hospital. Yes, I know I didn't tell you about taking her in 2 weeks ago. I also haven't told you the 12 dozen (how gross!) other setbacks we have experienced since Dad came home on June 7th.
I didn't want to turn this lovely batch of postcards into a pity-party or a grumble-fest. So I left you in the dark. And in so doing, I gave myself no venue for venting. I am just sane enough right now to realize what a mistake THAT was!
Perhaps I can turn this all around. Maybe I can find my wits. Possibly I can glue the hair that I tore out back on. And it is even conceivable that I will be cute again someday.
Perchance Porky will sprout wings and request a fly-by.
I'll survive this, I know I will. My last hope is that y'all will recognize me when it's over.
xoxoxo...
I've been lax in my blog-visiting, and I apologize.
ReplyDeleteDon't beat yourself up in any way. It happens. I took care of My Dad for a long while when he was sick (only child, he was divorced, so I was it, basically) and it is near impossible to remain a perfect angel, even with the best of intentions going in. Rest assured that the person or people you care for know your heart. Sometimes their pain or discomfort gets in the way of thinking those right thoughts, but they know and will return to that goodness when they are able.
God bless. My prayers remain with you.